Words from the wise

I Will Go On….

November 18, 2007

Flashbacks came upon me reminding me the time before I came back to Pahang for the start of my 2nd year in Pahang…

I still remembered my mother shed tears in front of me saying, "Sorry that I couldn’t give you the best comfort & shelter a son should have…" She was always telling me this and I would just sit there with her listening & smilling trying to make her in comfort… All this time I wanted her to know that it’s not her fault that my current family condition is like crap and I will never ask for anything more than her love towards all her children…

My father was really sorry for his past mistakes for helping his "drug addict" brother and being cheated by him… back stabbed… resulting to the creation of an ugly picture of family hood where husband & wife argue because of money problems and affecting thier childrens life…

So… The day when I had to go back to Pahang I could see my mother’s eyes laid upon me shining with hope that I will someday be a successful person in life. I didn’t ask for money from my parents as I know that both of them are already jobless… Victims of the "evil" they call "government"… But, my father gave me some money the moment before my flight (I didn’t ask where the money came from). I gave both of them a big hug (my mother first) and went to wait for my next flight deep inside the terminal with a picture memory of my parents smile just now.

When my flashback ended, my Probabilty & Statistics notes was "looking" at me instead of the other way around (hahaha)… Trying very hard to remind myself the main reason I am at University Malaysia Pahang… To be a better person in the future… I find very hard to do this.., as a the same life pattern was upon myself yet again… Thinking of a person that I had begun to grow feelings for… I always ask myself when on earth did this ever happened?? Earlier this 3rd semester…
~It was from these two words… friendship & trust~

Damn… When I think about later this early December when I’ll go back to Sabah to meet my parents again and kep in touch with friends… The thought where I’ll be living in my small (literally) house facing my sad mother and my father who is trying his best to place food on the table by doing small business… makes me feel guilty sometimes when I try to have a good time for myself here at Pahang with my friends… and even more guilty for my selfish "feeling"…

My life this semester is full of colours… ripping my own fingers into pieces… going up and down the Uni to do a small programme about music… losing my handset ;p… and realising how special a person can be in my life… But., I now will swim with the flow of life to where it will bring me later on… I just don’t care sometimes.. (As they say… what will be… will be…)

Well, I’m going to stop here and continue my freakin life being a Happy-go-lucky fella who believes that L.I.F.E. has load of crap to be thrown to me and also so many happiness to be blessed upon me

I’ll continue being myself… calm, rude + sarcastic, helpful and show no emotions :p

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